The Day I Snapped at the Car Salesman

I was about three weeks out from unexpectedly losing my husband — still in that foggy stage where I could function just enough to fool the outside world, but everything inside felt raw and jagged.

We had two vehicles, but I only needed one, since I was the only one that could drive in the household. I decided to sell one of the vehicles to be rid of that burden.

The salesman — young, enthusiastic, probably on his third coffee — answered with the full script: “Hey there! So why are you looking to sell? Are you looking to trade in and get another vehicle"

I tried the polite version first, well, as polite as I could muster: “No, thanks.”

He pushed on, undeterred: “Are you sure? We have some great options for you to swap out! Are you sure you don't need another vehicle?”

And something in me snapped.

“I don’t need the car anymore,” I said, voice shaking. “My husband is dead.”

Silence and total awkwardness. Then a quiet, “Oh… I’m so sorry. Okay.” We continued the sale quietly, and no more questions about a trade.

I cried in the parking lot of the car store — partly because I’d been sharp with someone who didn’t deserve it, and mostly because I had to say those words out loud again: My husband died.

Here’s what I learned that day (and wish every salesperson, customer-service rep, and well-meaning stranger understood):

1. When someone’s tone suddenly shifts, there might be a bigger story behind it.

2. A simple “I’m sorry for your loss” is enough — you don’t have to fix it.

3. Grief makes us say things we don’t mean in the way we don’t mean them. And that’s okay.

They might be carrying something heavier than you can see.

That moment became one of the stories I tell when I sit with families now. Because almost everyone who’s lost someone has their own version: the bank teller who asked for the deceased’s signature, the magazine subscription that wouldn’t stop, the friend who said “At least you had X years together.”

Here's what I wish those grieving can take away from this:

We snap because we’re human, and because the world keeps spinning like nothing happened. If you’ve had your own “I don’t need the car anymore” moment, you’re not alone.

Give a little more grace - to yourself and to others. It's free, and we can all use a little more.

With love (and a little less snapping these days),

Jessica